A Life Less Ordinary Part Three
by Southofoz
Summary: This is season 3 seen through Vincent's Journals


64

**A LIFE LESS ORDINARY**

**Part Three**

**Southofoz**

This is a season three scenario rated PG. Although there are some season two episodes in this section as Vincent's decline began at the end of season two I wanted to keep the continuity flowing so I started this section from then. There are some journal entries from the series included in what follows, no copyright infringement intended.

'_I have not seen the face of Pan, nor mocked the dryad's haste._

_But I have trailed a dark eyed man across a windy waste._

_I have not died as men may die, nor sin as men have sinned._

_But I have reached a misty sky upon a granite wind._

Cate awoke to find Vincent sitting up in bed watching her.

"Good morning, Catherine." He said softly.

"Did I sleep here all night?"

Smiling tolerantly, he said, "It seems so. That chair has been there for many years. It is comfortable and seems to encourage sleep."

"I guess so," she replied with a little laugh.

A light meal was brought for them both as Cate didn't want to leave her grandfather, and she was pleased to see Vincent had an appetite. When they were finished he said without preamble, "Now, Catherine, it's time to read the last of the journals."

Cate looked down at the two books on the table; and she knew that they were going to be very painful to read, as well as for her grandfather hear.

At her hesitation Vincent said, "All stories end, Catherine."

She looked up. It was something he had often said in the classes he had taught, and she remembered what he would often say afterward. "But we can always read them again."

Vincent laughed softly. "Yes."

So she opened the first page.

***

_**I cannot banish the hideous cruelty of these two boys from my mind. What I saw tonight… That human beings could take the life of another so callously and then laugh about what they had done…sickens me. Within me there is a fury rising, and I am finding it harder and harder to control it. That these 'hollow' men could take the life of a young girl in such a way... I hope Catherine will find them and make them pay for what they have done. Catherine says this has happened before. Four other young women have been killed in the same way. It is barbaric.**_

_**I can no longer sit here and wait. I must DO something. My mind sees another young woman losing her life to these monsters. **_

_**She has caught them. Catherine has been successful yet again in finding those responsible for the death of young girls; and I hope, with their capture, these feelings of rage and injustice will leave me.**_

_**Catherine feels helpless, having not been able to convict these murderers; and even though I was able to convince her to rest in my arms in the tunnel today, I cannot rest. I must do something to stop these young men who kill so mercilessly…I cannot allow them to harm another young woman.**_

_**I felt Catherine's rage moments ago as she was confronted by the two murderers, and she cannot stop them; but I can. I know where they will be, and I will I find them. I must stop these monsters any way I can**_.

_**I was able to stop them tonight but what about tomorrow and the night after. They must be stopped.**_

_**I cannot stop! Catherine is concerned for me, but I am beyond care for myself. These – creatures have stepped into my world of night, and they have made it a place of horrendous play. I WILL NOT allow it to go on! Everywhere they go they will find ME!**_

_**When will it stop? Again Catherine has been put in danger and I was only just in time to save her. I am becoming more and more fearful of allowing free reign to that part of me that takes over at such times, but without it I cannot protect her. I am injured again and each time I am injured, I feel it clawing within me to get free. I fear that one day I will not be able to keep it under control. It sometimes feels like a crouching specter behind me, waiting to pounce; and then suddenly the battle for control begins. I cannot tell Father or Catherine of this. It would frighten them. **_

***

Cate continued on to the next event quickly, believing that Vincent would not want to be reminded of those times; but she realized it was only the beginning. She had heard about this time in his life, and she knew that she was about to read of his uncertainties and painful confusion as he was almost driven mad.

***

_**Why would someone send two men to attack Catherine, and so close to the park entrance? Luckily I was able to save her and bring her to my chamber; but even when I took her back to her home I could feel her unrest, as I do now. What is happening?**_

_**Where did this man learn about Catherine and me? I counseled Catherine not to be concerned; but as I walked her home after the concert, I could feel her disquiet. Catherine is tormented by this reporter, but she tries to hide it from me. I cannot blame her, but I cannot help her. She is alone in this, and prey to this man's taunts; and I feel helpless. **_

_**I am to blame…I know it. If Catherine were with another she would not be in such turmoil, and I…what would I do? What would my life be without her? Another man, any other man, a…normal man, could be there with her, could be with her through these times. But I am not any other man. In truth, am I a man at all? Father says that part of me is, but what of that 'other' part of me that seems to be gaining strength? Rather than just a mindless urge to destroy, it has become something more, and is constantly taunting me. I have thoughts rising up within me at times…thoughts that declare I am not a man, but something far worse…that those around me are not my peers, but lesser beings, not worthy of my attention. I am finding it hard to stop those thoughts. What can I do to stop these terrible thoughts? I am so afraid…**_

_**Elliot Burch? How can he be against us so fully that he would send this reporter after Catherine…tormenting her with what he has deduced…and from what he barely understands. Catherine's words of fear that they might find me have galvanized within me. They will not find me. They will never find me. I will see to that. I will lose myself in the bowels of the earth, far from Catherine, lost to her and all I love. But without Catherine I would be lost to myself.**_

_**Catherine – I can feel your pain so deeply. It breaks my heart. How can I live without you? Holding you in my arms that last time, I felt your heart breaking, and mine along with it. I could hardly bear it; but we must end this now, before you are caused any more pain and the 'other' becomes too strong for me to control. The 'other' would have killed the reporter tonight had I let it, but I will not kill an innocent. I can hear it roaring from within me even now...its teeth gnashing, the bloodlust rising. I am a man…I am a man…I am a man.**_

***

Cate stopped reading. "Grandfather?" she pleaded. This was so painful for her; it must be even more so for him.

"Continue, Catherine." He said staring into the shadows. Then he turned to her, "Please…"

***

_**Catherine had a dream, a nightmare. Even here, deep in the earth, I can feel her despair, her longing; and I can do nothing to help her or myself. Here I must stay. **_

_**It has been four days and nothing. Father says it's long enough to hope. I know he is fearful, and so was I at first; but now I feel only rage. I have been walking the passageways and tunnels hour upon hour, afraid to venture Above. I was looking for something, but I did not know what it was. Then suddenly like a Lightening strike to my spine I knew what I had been looking for – a way out of this situation or this world. I am a dead man inside, yet I still live; and this is my tomb.**_

_**Father, how could you let me live after I tore my mother's flesh asunder to claw my way into this world? Catherine has gone – she is better without me. Now I am more than a dead man, I am a murdering monster. My true nature was there even from before birth as I was born in blood, not worthy of life. These hands… Why did he let me live? He lied to me…all these years…lies. Nothing but lies. My birth. My life. Who I am – what I am…he lied to me!!! **_

ut hamber but atherine t out tle for control takes over at such times. 64646464646464646464_**Lies – truth – distortion, they all swirl around in my mind; and I feel as though I am on Devin's carousel, spinning out of control. Paracelsus was a master of deception. To tell me I killed my own mother at birth… Now I know it was a lie, but what of the other things he told me. What were the lies, and what was truth? I can hardly tell anymore. What is reality or dream or memory? My mind is full of**_ _**contradictions and fears. I am in a world of night, and I am lost in it. I am**_ _**losing my hold on reality, and on myself. There is something terrible within me that is trying to get out, but I cannot allow it. I cannot let it free! What is happening to me? I have felt these things before. It cannot be like before, those terrible nights – the dreams. Oh please not like before…everything was different then. I didn't have Catherine then. Perhaps Catherine can help. Catherine… Catherine needs me.**_

_**To awaken in the park…in daylight! What is happening to me? Father is concerned, but he does not know how bad it is…how immense. If he truly knew, he would be even more fearful than he is.**_

_**It ebbs and flows now. At times I feel as though all is well; then I am reminded by a sound…or the refection of a flame or…some distant echo inside…that it is returning. How immense it is, what it is rising up within me…and burying me in its path. My hands I can barely write. I can barely think. Where will this end?**_

_**I must prepare to leave. I must spare Catherine and Father, but how? How can I keep my own fears from showing? What must I do? Catherine is frightened, and her fear is mixed with my own until they are one within me; but she must be spared. I must find some way to ease her fears. A passage of poetry echoes in my mind. A passage of hope that I find myself clinging to 'though they go mad they shall be sane'… I must find it.**_

***

Cate had tears in her eyes. It was so hard to read of her grandfather's suffering.

"Catherine, suffering is part of life. We cannot choose how our lives run their course; but if we are to live as fully as we can, we must take what life gives us, the good and the bad."

***

_**I can hardly believe the man I was as I read the tortured writings I have found in this journal. It has shown me what I went through during my illness, even though I do not remember any part of it. Father has told me much of it and…Catherine… Catherine, how could I have forgotten your name? But I found this journal too late to spare you the sadness of my forgetfulness. I am truly blessed to have so many beloved family members around me, and Catherine most of all… **_

_**Catherine what troubles you? It must be more than the loss of our Bond, which has given me great cause for sorrow. How can I reach you? I see your unrest. My own despair for the loss of this Bond gnaws at me. I remember how it felt when you were coming to me…the warmth that radiated from you when you thought of me, and now I am adrift without it; and I feel empty. But I cannot tell you this. I must wait until it returns…IF it returns. I believe it is gone forever, and I can do nothing but wait for you. When will you confide in me, my love?**_

***

"Go on Catherine. It's all right."

She looked up, and Vincent was watching her.

"I feel afraid, Grandfather…such sadness and loss."

He smiled and reached out a hand, and she took it. "There is joy as well. Catherine gave me a new life in your father, an unimagined miracle; and although I was denied Catherine, I found a new purpose in the life of her child. Reading about those events, you will see that, even after a terrible loss, there can be joy."

She opened the first page, and on the flyleaf was written the words. "_To Vincent. All things are possible … Always …Catherine."_

***

_**Catherine has given me this new journal and with it I feel a new peace. I feel as though I have been reborn, and as my memory slowly returns I am reminded of how fortunate I am to have the blessings she has given me. Each day that passes I remember more of our life before my illness. One moment in particular surfaces now and then. A memory I cannot grasp. Did we become as close as I suspect? I am uncertain, and I am reluctant to broach the subject with Catherine for fear that I did only dream it.**_

_**Catherine where are you? Where are you in this dark city? I can no longer feel you. Why can I no longer feel your warmth reaching toward me? All I feel now is the emptiness. A cold emptiness, as if my heart has been ripped from my chest and I am doomed to wander, searching to find it. I know you are alive. That I know! Call out to me Catherine! Call out to me, so that I may hear. Scream my name! But do not lose hope. I will find you. Do not lose faith that I will find you…I WILL FIND YOU! I will not stop! I will search until I find you…or until I am dust.**_

_**I have tried to write ever since your disappearance, Catherine, but each time I have tried, my hand has frozen over the blank page, and your face has looked back at me. There is no accusation in your eyes, but I feel it still. Finally I have been able to put pen to paper to speak to you in the only way I can…to ask for your forgiveness for my inability to tear the very foundations of this city apart to find you…something which has gnawed at my heart all these months, and even now tears at my soul. I vowed to find you, and I have failed. It has been six months, and those around me try to keep hope alive for my sake; but I know they are weakening in their resolve. I do not blame them. I tell them you are alive, but they cannot feel what I feel. Even I cannot name in which part of my being the knowledge resides…only that I KNOW you live, and that you are waiting for me to find you. Keep believing, Catherine. Keep waiting. Do not lose hope. I will never stop searching. **_

_**Catherine…I want so desperately to go into that 'Undiscovered Country' with you…to bathe in its light, to spend eternity worshiping at your feet; but your last words to me on that rooftop have forbidden it. I cannot process what they meant. I can barely believe that they are true. **__'We loved – there is a child – he is beautiful.'___

_**Catherine … all I can see is a life without you. How can I go on without you, Catherine? How do I live each day knowing you are not there? Before you came into my life there was darkness, and now you are gone. I am adrift in a sea of despair with no friendly breeze to guide me to a safe shore. What must I do? How do I go on? I do not have the strength.**_

_**But **__'Death shall have NO dominion'__** Catherine. I will not allow it – while I live, you live, with me – in me – Always.**_

_**I almost lost myself in that cavern today Catherine – to the 'other' who waited there for me, but again you came and reminded me of who I am and what we shared. You are not gone as long as I am alive. You will always be a part of me Catherine, as our son is a part of you. You are in my blood and bone, in my flesh and a part of every cell of my body. I look at your crystal in my hand, and I see your light reflected there. You wore it always; there is a spark of your essence trapped within. When I hold it in my hand I feel your warmth flood through me, and I know you are still with me. **_

_**There was a moment, when the way was still new, and I was afraid to hope. You put your hand on mine – and nothing had ever felt like that to me…like your touch. I wanted to weep. You turned and looked at me, and your eyes were filled with dancing light; and I was bathed in your warmth. And I believed in that moment that, even for me – all things were possible. In that moment – in your light – I felt what it is to be beautiful. **_

_**How many lives were touched by yours? How many lives were transformed by your courage to give, and to love? How many became beautiful in your light? I know we promised to always share the truth – always. But Catherine, there was a truth beyond anything…beyond everything I had ever known…or ever dreamed. It was the truth of all you gave…all you sacrificed for me. The truth of your love humbled me – silenced me. And the truth that I could never share with you was the truth of how deeply I loved you.**_

_**I will remember. I will remember every moment, every word, every look, and every touch. Our love lives. It will live forever. Nothing will destroy it. Love does not die**_… _**You're safe. You're safe now. Sleep…my love**_.

***

Cate lifted her head from these words and gazed toward her grandfather. He lay in the light of the candle, his eyes staring far away into the past she thought. In that same candlelight she looked for and found the gold chain around his neck where she knew Catherine's crystal lay against his heart. He had worn it against his skin for as long as she could remember. Part of Catherine, close to his heart; and as he turned toward her, she turned back to the pages of the journal and continued reading.

***

_**As Romeo said of his name, so I would do with my life. I would tear it asunder with no remorse or regret, but for one thing…one miracle that came into existence because of Catherine. A child…Catherine's child – MY child. Had I the liberty of only my own existence, I would quickly end it, but I do not. Catherine's child needs me. He needs – ME. And, as it once was with Catherine, I can feel him…faintly; but I can sense him waiting for me, and I cannot, I will not fail him as I did Catherine. I will do everything in my power to bring him home – even go into hell itself. **_

_**Elliot Burch had always been a part of Catherine's life, be it good or ill. Now he is part of mine, and it is a thing I never expected; but standing in his office tonight – his revolver pointed at my chest – a part of me wished he would pull the trigger. Without his help, I despaired that I would ever see my son; and when he agreed to help me, it was as though a part of Catherine was given back to me. She trusted Elliot, and now so must I.**_

_**Again I find myself recovering while interminable moments slip away. I must sit idle while my son is in the hands of a monster. By saving Elliot's life I was able to avenge myself upon the man responsible for Catherine's kidnapping, but at the same time I received wounds that will keep me in this chamber when I should be searching for my son. And while I am here, the true monster behind everything my life has become eludes me.**_

_**Gabriel. The man who had imprisoned and killed Catherine…the man who has her child…the man who sent the Hunter to kill me… He now has a name, not just a cruel dispassionate face. The Hunter was unsuccessful this time, but the damage he caused is something I can hardly bear to live with. Sam, Steven…their deaths are because of me, and Brooke's grief cut me more deeply than I can ever express. How many more will die in this war that rages over the life of a child? Should I let this man have my son to save more deaths? No! Catherine's soul calls out to me in my sleep. **__'He is beautiful,'__** she tells me again. I see the love for him in her eyes, and I cannot ignore what she suffered…and I cannot let such a man raise her child…'our child'. But I will not endanger my loved ones further. On this my mind is set. I must leave the central tunnels.**_

_**In the Great Hall today I felt so close to Catherine, as though her spirit had come to remind me that I must not lose the hope that she had brought into my life. But I wonder if I will ever regain the beauty and promise of life again. Father was heartbroken, but I must go. To stay is too dangerous to those I love. **_

_**Here, I am far from the sounds I have heard all my life – the pipes and the elevated train. In this deep chamber in the uninhabited section of the tunnels, it is strange; but in this silence I am more able to hear the distant whisper of my son's heartbeat, and it comforts me as the pipes never did. Mouse has brought me a message from Elliot, and I will leave soon for the Compass Rose. I hope he has found some clue to this man and a way to find him…and my son.**_

_**That Elliot would almost betray me was not a surprise, but that he would put himself in the path of a bullet meant for me tells me truly what kind of a man he was in the end. More surprising is that a criminal investigator assigned to Catherine's murder could piece together our lives and find me beside her grave. It is truly remarkable. Diana took a great chance taking me into her home as she did. I have no memory of the moments after the explosion or how I made my way to Catherine's grave…only that my last thought was of her as I was thrown into the river. To awaken on the floor of Diana's apartment and have her express a wish to help me…this was another miracle. Had I been found by anyone else… But thankfully I was not, and Diana saved my life; and I will always be grateful. I felt I could trust her at once, and that she would keep my secret. But she, like my family and friends, must stay away from me. To know me now is not safe.**_

_**In the hours before dawn the empty streets belong to me, but there is nowhere to go. The lights have gone off in Elliot's tower. A cold wind blows across the rooftop where Catherine died. Last night, I found myself drawn to her terrace once again. There were strangers inside – a family – and their happiness cut me like a knife. They do not know. None of them know.**_

_**Outside their lights the darkness presses close. Why can't they feel it? The darkness weighs so heavily. A shadow has fallen across my soul. So much rage! Where is the hope? **_

_**Last night … **_

_**All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing. But nothing we can do is enough. Last night, I let rage carry me into darkness; but tonight, up in that city, children will still sell poison to other children. **_

_**Where is the hope?**_

_**My child…**_

_**Where is the hope? I had asked that question of Diana…for this world…for my son…for Rollie. Tonight, when I thought all was lost, I heard music…a piano playing 'Moonlight Sonata' in these dark chambers. It was Rollie, and he had not lost his gift at all. It had just been misplaced for a time. Many years ago a piano teacher told a small boy that she believed that it was God's favorite piano piece, and tonight I found myself agreeing with her. That music I will always and forevermore acquaint with hope. **_

_**The 'dream vision' is there before my eyes day and night now. 'A threatening place surrounded by darkness and despair. I am searching for something, and I hear the cry of a child – a baby – angry and desperate; and I can't find him. Then the cloaked figure – dark as death appears before my eyes. I am shot by an arrow, but I cannot stop. I must search. I must find him.**_

_**I feel this means there is something very wrong with my son, but I do not know what to do. I fear whatever it is, it is growing worse; and I can do nothing.**_

_**It is over. Like a nightmare that cannot be escaped, I was trapped in a world without Catherine and without my son. Now, although Catherine has left this world behind her, she lives in my heart and in our son, who is beside me in his crib. Catherine's son sleeps…my son…and as I watch him, I am again astonished by his existence and what a precious gift he is to me. I look into his face and see Catherine's beauty; and when I hold him, I feel his fearlessness, his strength and his boundless curiosity. For one so young he is full of the need to know, to see and to touch everything that is around him; and I wonder what the world and the future will hold for him.**_

_**Even now I feel his growing hunger, and I wonder how this bond we share will evolve. **_

_**I have many to thank for my new life, some old and beloved friends and family and other new acquaintances such as Diana, without whom I would not be here today…nor would my son. I do not know what the future holds; but I look forward to every moment that lies before me now with hope, and a measure of joy. **_

_What though the radiance which once was so bright_

_Be now forever taken from my sight_

_Though nothing will bring back the hour_

_Of splendor in the grass, and glory in the flower;_

_We will grieve not, rather find_

_Strength in what remains behind;_

_In the primal sympathy _

_Which having been must ever be;_

_In the soothing thoughts that spring _

_Out of human suffering;_

_In the faith that looks through death._

_**In this city of night, in this city of millions, there are countless stories. This is one, of two lovers who shared a Bond that changed their lives forever. It is my story. Her compassion opened my heart to a world where goodness and truth was stronger than hate or fear. Then, one day she was taken from me by the forces of evil she had battled so bravely; and now, alone with her memory yet armed with her courage, I've sworn to fight those who would kill, or harm or destroy…in the hope that one day I will find what all men seek to find…my destiny.**_

***

Cate closed the journal and closed her eyes. From her father's own lips she was told what happened after those words were written over seventy years ago. He lived a life filled with love and promise and acceptance from the man he called Father…a man who gave everything he had to all those who knew him, never holding anything back.

These journals were hers now, and she would keep them safe; but they would never be read by anyone in her lifetime. She would tell the tunnel children, in her capacity as teacher, of Vincent and Catherine's adventures; and like Vincent's own love story, they would become tunnel legend.

***

Vincent awoke suddenly. Something deep in the earth called to him in a way nothing else ever had. He sat up and looked upon the sleeping face of his granddaughter, Catherine, so like his own Catherine, but of an age that Catherine had never reached, and with long blonde hair. Slowly he climbed out of bed and dressed, adding his last piece of clothing, his ever-present cloak against the tunnel's chill. He bent and placed a kiss upon Catherine's forehead. "Sleep, my dear one, sleep; and know how much I love you." He murmured softly. Then he heard the call again – a distant whisper becoming stronger, drawing him to the lower tunnels.

He walked through the dark passages, where there was no light; but he knew every crevice, every turn, and saw everything clearly…the rock walls, and the stalactites, like huge fingers pointing down to the tunnel floor. And he heard the sound of dripping water and the echoes of his own footsteps.

Finally he came to his destination – a huge doorway carved in the rock - and he walked into it, undaunted and unafraid. It was a small chamber, bare but for a single stone obelisk.

He had been here many times before, but now it seemed to pulsate with an unidentified essence that he couldn't name.

He walked toward the large stone and ran a hand over the surface and the words carved there…beautifully prepared, with scrolls and roses carved into it. He ran his fingers over the inscription

_**Catherine, beloved of Vincent. **_

Catherine – that name struck at his heart. How he missed her. Hearing his own words spoken in his granddaughter's voice, so like Catherine's voice, had brought so much back to him; and he had relived each moment of the joy and the pain. He fell to his knees and rested his hot forehead on the cool stone and spoke softly.

"Catherine."

He closed his eyes and her face came unbidden to his mind, smiling happily her hair flying around her, and her cheeks flushed with health.

"Catherine," he murmured again.

"_Vincent," _he heard her voice call to him from far away.

"Catherine?" he lifted his head and looked around him, as though he would see her.

From the corner of the vault, a light began to appear and slowly became blinding. Soon it coalesced into the shape of a woman.

"_Vincent?"_ the figure said in Catherine's voice.

He rose to his feet, "Catherine," he breathed.

"_Come, my love, its time."_

"I don't understand?" Vincent asked puzzled. "_Time?"_

"_Yes, its time for you to come home. Father is waiting...and Mouse and Mary. All those you loved are here waiting for you. You are tired Vincent. It's time to let go, to stop fighting. Let go my love…and come with me."_

Vincent did feel very tired, and he stretched out his hand and a glowing white hand took it. He looked up at the woman he had loved all his life and the tiredness left him. He rose to his feet, feeling younger and stronger than he had felt in many a year, and walked with her a few steps.

Suddenly the darkness was pushed back; and he was surrounded by light, and everything was filled with color. Looking around he began to see people coming toward him, and then to recognise faces.

"_Father!" _he said as his father came toward him and embraced him.

"_Vincent__, it has been so very long for you, but only a short time for us. We have missed you."_

Catherine led Vincent through a beautiful meadow filled with people he knew, and beyond it there were mountains.

He turned to her. "_And we can go together?"_

"_Yes, together," _she answered,

"_Anywhere?"_ he asked

"_Anywhere and everywhere. Here, you are free to walk in the light my love."_

"_And we can be together always?"_

"_Always, and forever," _Catherine said with a glowing smile.

Vincent took her into his arms. "_I have missed you, Catherine,"_

"_And I have missed you."_ their lips met, and the light around them flared.

***

Cate's father woke her. "What is it, Father?"

She turned to find Vincent's bed empty. "I felt…" he could not say anymore. "Come," he said in a choked voice and took her hand.

Not wishing to awaken everyone in the tunnels, Cate began to follow her father until they came to the cavern. They were both heart broken when they found Vincent lying at the foot of Catherine's tomb. Cate began to weep, as did her father, for this time there was no deathlike sleep. This time there was no doubt. Vincent was at last truly at rest and at peace, for in the light of the torch they could see a gentle smile on those oh so unique lips.

**THE END**


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